So, in case you somehow managed to miss them, here are the government’s plans to lift lockdown restrictions.
On March 8th, schools will reopen.
No earlier than 29th March the R will hit about 3 as, let’s face it, all kids are filthy; it has clearly always been schools where transmission of the virus has been most prevalent, it is just that no-one is prepared to say that; and my anthropological study of the behaviour at Otford primary school gate reveals that two words that parents have not understood the meaning of whilst home-schooling their little treasures are “social” and “distance”.
At this point the government will implement the next stage of its plan known as 3D – Dither, Denial and Disinformation.
No earlier than 12th April Michael O’Leary and that New Zealander with the weird hair who runs Weatherspoons will announce that they have had it with the government and are going to do what they ****** well like. Matt Hancock will be pictured at the Beehive at Gatwick enjoying a disconcertingly cheap pint before boarding a £13 flight to Prague for a boys weekend with that bloke who is now big in PPE.
No earlier than May 17th flights to and from the Far East will resume if we meet the test condition of Manchester United being in the FA Cup final. This is so their fans can go.
At the same time, Easyjet will introduce its new service. This will see you picked up at your home and asked to fill out five forms that confirm you self-identify as the Astra Zeneca vaccine. You will then be transported via Northern Ireland to Shannon airport and thus onwards to Malaga. Ursula von der Leyen will still manage to find something wrong with this and whinge.
Lloyd’s reopens the underwriting room.
Further large scale events can be held from no earlier than June 21st if by then we have met the test condition of England still being in the Euros. So don’t hold your breath.
From not later than the middle of July at the absolute, lockdown 5 (or whatever) will commence.
Last week was the deadline for submissions in response to HM Treasury’s latest consultation on the future regulatory framework. It was also the deadline for a similar call for evidence from Treasury Select Committee. Which is something we always like – the opportunity to get double bubble out of the one bit of work. Both LIIBA responses are attached fyi. As you will see we continue to call for a more proportionate approach to the supervision of our sector. And for the accountability framework that regulators are subjected to to actually have some teeth. Our discussions with Treasury officials as part of our work on this did suggest there is some scope for movement. But as the next stage in the process is another consultation exercise, don’t expect any action for a while.
“Stop this madness” an upstanding member of social media society was provoked into wailing in response to an article in New York Times. What could have compelled such a reaction in today’s troubled times? Lockdown? The climate crisis? Lame Stream Media’s continued denigration of that nice Donald Trump? Of course not! It was the fact that NYT had published a recipe that suggested putting tomatoes in a carbonara sauce. Outrage! called the foodies. It even seems to have sparked some form of minor diplomatic incident judging by the reaction of the Italian farmers’ association Coldiretti. And all over a recipe that actually sounds quite nice and that I am thinking of trying over the weekend.
On the Hobbs
After a blissful hiatus of two weeks, she is back in her ceaseless quest to drag this column back to the subject of insurance. I can only apologise, but here goes.
- LIIBA will be hosting a Facilities Forum webinar on 29th March at 10am – 11.30am. This will be an opportunity for anyone working with DA business at member firms to find out more information regarding the changes being introduced by the Lloyd’s this year and the work of our Facilities Committee, which will include updates on BAU matters and other initiatives, such as Project DARE (this section will be presented by Gorrilaz featuring Shaun Ryder). We will also be providing details of the updated pre-requisites put forward to Lloyd’s regarding the mandating of DDM.
- Whilst we are on the subject of webinars, there is still time to register for next Wednesday’s session on how to enhance your brand even if you do not have a communications team. This is brought to you by PR titans Caroline Wagstaff and Adrian Beeby out of Luther Pendragon. Promises to be excellent. Register here.
A few weeks back, I commented in this column that the whole vaccine situation, as Glenn Hoddle would say, was the ultimate indictment of Big Pharma as the first time there was real money and kudos in producing a vaccine they had managed about eight in ten months rather than taking their customary ten years. Some suggested this was unduly cynical and that I was maligning what should be seen as a scientific miracle. And to all those people I say: read this.
That’s it. I’m off to facetime with Haz and James Corden.