A month of Mesut Ozil doing naff all or 55 loyal full time employees?  Of course you would do that.

Burning love

It has been too long since this column has heard from the Backstreet Boys.  So let us redress that issue and remind ourselves of their lyrically incoherent 1999 opus “I want it that way”.  This includes the lines “you are my fire; my one desire”.  A concept taken somewhat too far by a hapless man from Sheffield this week.  You can just imagine him checking to make sure he had covered all bases.  Wine in the fridge? – check.  Balloons (why?) scattered? – check.  Naked flames spread irresponsibly around the flat? – check.  Headed out on a pointless trip (why couldn’t she find her own way to the flat from “round the corner”?) thus leaving the naked flames scandalously unattended? – check.  Disco inferno…?

As one wise social media busybody counselled, don’t let him organise the wedding.  Because, if this is his standard approach to over egging, it will cost a s*****g fortune and they will be paying it off for years – if both of them survive the day.  Expensive weddings being one of my greatest bug bears – and not just because I occasionally have to go to them.  I mean why, why, why bother?  When the soon to be Mrs C and I gathered in the Little Chapel of the Flowers (where Carmen Electra became betrothed to Dennis Rodman) with the Reverend Doug and Eddie Powers as Elvis it was $750 all in.  And $250 of that was for Eddie Powers as Elvis (who must have changed his name by whatever the Nevada equivalent of deed poll is to Eddie Powers as Elvis because he signed the wedding certificate Eddie Powers as Elvis).  Cocktails on the balcony at the Bellagio afterwards were almost as much (and, arguably, the wiser long term investment).  And not only did you get to choose three songs for Eddie Powers as Elvis to belt out – although, disappointingly, my fave was vetoed as the counterparty to the deal deemed the lyrics “treat me like a fool, treat me mean and cruel but love me” unsuitable for a wedding – but so many other unique experiences came with it.  Like arriving massively early because the limo driver clearly had another job he was trying to fit in such that you could sit and witness three work colleagues in reception sitting around bitching about management and the overly complex new video recording system it had installed and how it was just typical and they never think blah blah blah.  A scene you could find the world over save for the fact that one of them was dressed in a sequined white leather jumpsuit with huge sideburns and ridiculous shades.

Get back to work

Thank you to all of you who completed our recent survey on your back to office plans.  It was useful to be able to share this information with LMA and IUA colleagues.  Overwhelmingly the consensus across both brokers and carriers is as follows.

  1. No significant return planned until September at the earliest with many not aiming to go back this year.
  2. Where offices are open it is to accommodate people with sub optimal work from home conditions but the general experience is that only around half of the people who said they wanted to go back in are turning up on any given day.  In the main this is as a result of them experiencing what a covid safe office is like and deciding home is not that bad after all.
  3. The percentage of staff likely to be back in the office by end of the year tends to range from 20% to 40% at the absolute maximum.
  4. Smaller firms are aiming to have a greater number of people back in sooner.

Not happy reading for the Prime Minister but for those of you in tall buildings where the lifts will be limited to two people at a time, you were never going to be popping out to Pret for a sandwich anyway.  We will continue to monitor developments and liaise with the other Associations.  Should you have any queries on this please do get in touch.

And, ICYMI, attached is the Lloyd’s guide on the reopening of the underwriting room from 1st September.

The irregular naked self-promotion slot

The return of one of my favourite features brings your attention to this article I penned for Insurance Business magazine on why we probably will want to get back to the office – albeit not as frequently as we might have previously.

Keep on rocking in the not so free world

Neil Young is suing President Trump for $150,00 per infringement for unauthorised use of his songs at campaign events.  This follows similar ructions from Aerosmith, Rolling Stones, Elton John and Green Day.  The President responded at a press conference in the rose garden earlier today:

“Neil Young is a sad, sad man.  This lot can dream on if they think they are getting anything out of The Donald.  I always get what I want.  And Elton said I could tell everybody it was my song, so I can play it wherever I like.  What kind of American idiot do they take me for? BAD!”

I’m off to McDonalds to recruit a team for a couple of heists I have planned.

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