Just to forewarn you, this is more even than usually irrelevant today
Want you back for good
To those of you beginning to consider when, if and how you might venture back to EC3 at some stage I bring you this helpful summary from our friends at Morgan Lewis (founded by Nicky Morgan and Brandon Lewis). We are also planning a seminar with our other friends at EY for the week of 25th May that will cover this amongst other subjects – details to follow. Obviously a lot will depend on what Boris has to say in the Heartbeat slot on Sunday night. A key issue is staff wellbeing and morale, clearly. So that should negate any thoughts of returning to the office before the summer is over. Especially if there is football on the telly.
Zoom, you chased the day away
Online video conferencing has been the star of the virus thus far. It has kept commerce commmercing; maintained family connections (regrettably, but at least you can switch them off); brought us a whole new lexicon such as “I am having a few issues with my connection” as a euphemism for “this is indescribably tedious, I can take no more, goodnight”); and been the lynchpin in resolving global disputes. So it is no surprise that Zoom will be the venue for the final showdown between warring WAGs Coleen Rooney and Rebekah Vardy. A difficult one to call this and not just because of its extraordinary superficiality. Clearly someone in or around #TeamBecky was selling some secrets on or else Coleen’s “WAGatha Christie” strategy would not have born fruit. But if it was Becky herself she would have surely given up by now. So I am basing my position on the only criteria that makes any sense – my relative opinion of their respective husbands. I don’t like Wayne – who does – he is pointlessly moody and has a head like a potato. Jamie V on the other hand has made a fine career out of his only two attributes as a player – pace and, er, pace. Plus the **** up in his kitchen the night they won the league looked fun. So I am with Rebekah all the way.
Incidentally, and this may come as a surprise to you, I am a massive fan of crowbarring terrible puns into headlines. And so I must pay due respect to the Sun’s front page billing for this story “Waggro at the Zoom conference”.
A boy named Sue
Disturbing news that the messed up gene pool that is Elon Musk has been extended. He and Grimes – who, it turns out, is a Canadian singer and not the anti-hero of Decline & Fall – have had a baby. And they have decided to call it “X Æ A-12.” This is touching and gives us all a special reason to welcome the littleun. Based on the Beckham Coefficient, it clearly indicates that the blighter was conceived in a layby on the Chelmsford bypass.
Signed. Sealed. Delivered
At LIIBA we never rest in our tireless quest to track down the information you need in order to navigate the lockdown with the minimal possible impact on your welfare. And so we are proud to be able to bring you the crucial news that McDonalds will be opening these fifteen golden arches from next Wednesday. Only a limited menu – no apple pies nor, crucially for Mrs C, McFlurries. And only for delivery. But for those of you that have been having unusually vivid corona dreams about special sauce, redemption is in sight. So long as you live in or near the aforementioned Chelmsford.
And if that all doesn’t fit neatly into the definition of “vital information” I don’t know what will…